I made it to 65

Well I’ve reached 65.

Never thought that would happen, I thought I’d be lucky to make 30. I was a bit of a party animal, still am in my heart and brain, but body says no way 😂. Life has certainly been interesting/eventful for me. I was bullied at school cause I was fat. I’m still fat ☺️. I was verbal abused by my father from about 8, cause I was fat. Mind you because I was a “big girl” as they say I was useful to him. I could work behind his bar at 12, bit of make up, stick out boobs and no one questioned my age. In fact local policeman thought I was over 18 but not my brother. He’s 2 1/2 yrs older. I wouldn’t use my looking older to my advantage of course, like under age drinking and getting into clubs where you were meant to be 21.

We moved into pub trade when I was 10, I loved all the people around but did miss having mum around to talk to. Working in a pub I grew up quickly and learned a fair bit about people. Like when I was wearing a mini skirt, being asked for something off top shelf. When wearing a low neck top, being asked for something from bottom shelf. They thought I didn’t know why.

When we were at our second pub my brother and his friends decided to make a bomb. They had a piece of pipe with 1 end flattened, got some weedkiller and sugar, mixed it together to stuff in pipe. For some reason I moved the bucket of mix from shed. I didn’t hear the bang. I just saw 1 friend run towards gate clutching what was left of his hand and pressing against his stomach as he was bleeding from there to. Other friend had piece of shrapnel touching his carotid artery. My brother, the brains of the outfit 🙄 had iron filings in the back of his hand.

1st friend lost his hand. He worked in a precision engineering works!!

2nd friend was in surgery and hospital for a few weeks. My brother was on valium for a few years.

This was when I decided I wanted to be a nurse.

Monday morning I was at first class of day, chemistry. Brother and I had same teacher. I had to stand up and tell whole class what had happened.

Back to working in 3rd pub.

I did shock 1 of our customers, I went to his chip shop to get our tea. I’d not yet changed out of my school uniform, he thought I was going out to a fancy dress party. When I said no I’m 14 so still at school, he quickly said but you haven’t understood all the things I’ve been saying to you, have you. Oh yes I have totally understood. It to me was just one of the things that happen when there’s lots of alcohol consumed. At least he hadn’t been trying to grope me like some did.

Then I got a job as a waitress at a local hotel, at least I was getting some money for my labours now. I was very keen to learn and soon became a favourite with the head waiter. Much to the annoyance of the 2 young waiters. He also asked me if I wanted to learn about setting out menus, yes please says I. So he told me to come in early next day and to go up to his room! It didn’t occur to me that it would be anything but him teaching me about menu’s. Oh how wrong.

He proceeded to sexually assault me. I remember being more shocked because he was an old man trying to do this to me. He stopped when I started to scream, but waiter in next room heard screams and thought they were from passion! Sick man. When head waiter had stopped he told me to wash my face and redo my make up as we had a busy shift ahead. So I did and went to work, with lots of suggestive remarks from other waiter.

I only told my boyfriend, mainly because my father would have killed him and also because I thought it was probably my fault. I knew that I was attractive to men and I also was no longer a virgin.

Not long after this I had to stop work as I had an operation on my foot, whilst I was recovering the same head waiter sexually assaulted one of the guests, she was 13. Then his history came out as this time it was reported. He had raped a woman whilst working on cruise ships, then murdered her and chopped her up and threw her out of porthole.

My thoughts were phew. Still didn’t tell my parents.

I did get accepted at local hospital, but really didn’t want to be that close to home. I felt I would be expected to go back home on days off and holidays. I wanted my life and to get away from my father who by now I really hated. So I went from Scottish borders to Cardiff.

I was starting my training at the university hospital, only they told us there was no accommodation for us, so we were put elsewhere and bused back and forth. Only problem was the buses were getting us everywhere late. We were doing 6 weeks mainly in the classroom with 2 days a week on the wards. So being late on those days was very disruptive. By now we had also found out there were more than enough empty rooms at the university hospital. So in our last week of classroom work we decided not to go in that day. Well 32 of the 33 of us didn’t go in.

I think we caused panic throughout our nursing officers, even met the senior nursing officer, whom we hadn’t seen before. They were shocked because we had gone on strike. Unheard of back in 1974. There were 3 of us who spoke up that day, only 1 finished their training at that hospital. That was me, and I was given a hard time from that day forth. Often told my grades weren’t good enough and I should change to lower level of training. When I asked if my grades were fail grades I never got a decent answer, so I continued and passed to become an SRN.

It was soon discovered that I was good with “the difficult” patients. First ward was 13 yr old girl who was a social problem, she was being abused by mum’s boyfriend.

I could communicate with the drug addicts, the abuse victims and tell who was really in pain. I can see pain in people, not sure why maybe because I’ve known it all my life.

My seniors didn’t like me but my patients loved me, and they were why I was there.

Not long after starting training I started to have serious back pain. GP said lose 4 stone and you will get rid of your back pain!! Gave me strong painkillers and told me to lie on floor for a month. Never anything else. Mind you night I had a miscarriage he told me I was still pregnant. I’d worked in theatres so knew how much you lost during D&C or even termination, I knew I’d lost the baby.

In 1980 I went nursing in Saudia Arabia, I was only there 3 months before coming home after an Arab driving hospital bus tried to rape me. Then put through 3rd degree rape interview by head of transport. Who eventually asked how did I know he had an erection. My answer was if someone was trying to stick something up your arse I think you would know if it was stiff, then walked out.

Advise from senior nurse was to go home on sick leave and not return. I did as soon as I got my passport and visa.

Not long after I married my first husband, I was lonely, not the reason to marry. I stayed with him for 6 yrs only because otherwise my lovely daddy would keep telling me I hadn’t tried as usual. He had told me I’d never make a nurse as I was to lazy!! .

Then in 1986 I was told I had grade 4 cervical cancer. At the time I worked for Marie Stopes so spoke to my fav surgeon and got booked in for a total hysterectomy. I was 30 and had been thinking about a hysterectomy as I had endometriosis and very irregular and painful periods.

I was also having an affair with an old lover from Cardiff. I told my husband that we could no longer sleep together after my surgery as if he put his leg on my abdomen he might burst my stitches, he believed me. My mum came to stay supposedly to look after me. She then realised tha all hubby did was watch TV and suck his thumb, he was 30.

So I said now can I divorce him? I’d been persuaded years previously to go back to him as he was so normal !!!!Next day I was at lawyer.

Being me 2 weeks after hysterectomy I was in Cardiff testing my stitches. Sex had always been an important thing in my life. It meant I got physical contact with another and I thought that meant they liked or maybe even loved me. Something I hadn’t known since dad started his verbal abuse.

I returned to Cardiff after leaving first hubby, when able managed to get back to nursing again. Managed to get myself a house, but became a needy party animal. I thought the way to get people/”friends” was to be the one who provided food,booze beds and often me to be used. Unsurprisingly I was used and then when started getting notification that house would be repossessed and shorty after got MS diagnosis, non of these people were anywhere to be seen.

I had 1 friend, my dog Bruno a beautiful rottweiler.

After months of being homeless, Bruno and I moved into a council flat. I had had back surgery during this time and for 4 months was pain free. Then it was back with vengeance. Told to go home and stay on bed rest. I lived on my own!! My lovely uncle came to help me, it was a 1 bedroom flat, so he slept on a fold down mattress. He told me it was his way of repaying him for getting him back on his feet after his stroke.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue living this way. Constant pain, constant fighting for some/any sort of pain relief. Then a friend who was doing some work for me told me about a dating agency, Plump Partners, for plump people and those who liked plump people. I joined the agency and my life changed. I was given contact details of 6 men, all within 100 ml radius. I thought I could drive that far, but as usual hadn’t thought about getting to car or getting from car at other end. I rang first number and spoke to guy who I nearly didn’t contact cause he was 7 years younger, always been with older guys.We spoke for over half an hour, found out months later he hates talking on phone. I told him about me, my health issues and my lovely dog, mostly about my dog ☺️.

I then tried call the others, no answer. It was April first 1993.

2 days later my phone rings, I answer and hear, “Hi gorgeous”. I looked at my phone as if it was speaking in a strange language, I’d never been called gorgeous before. Also learned much later it had taken him the 2 days to pluck up courage to phone me. He actually was no longer a member of agency so I shouldn’t have even have been told about him.

Spoke for an hour, then every night till the 8th April when he came to visit for Easter weekend. We still hadn’t seen each other. He turned up exactly on time, with a beautiful smile from ear to ear. Bruno gave him a full face wash, never done that to anyone before. I listened to Bruno.

I think we were in love before we met, we had spoken for up to 3 hours most days.

Five and a half weeks after our first conversation, I went to visit for the weekend. I’m still visiting 😉😉.

People say how lucky we are to have the relationship we have. But we think that you make your own luck.

We had both been in relationships, where someone was better than no one. Only neither of us could get rid of the someone, until we got together. His someone was a little harder to get rid of, we heard from her last about 10 yrs ago. We’d only been together 18 yrs.

We dealt with my health issues as we went along, with very little help from anyone but our GP, who was fantastic. As always my pain had been the worst symptom, but no one could tell me if it was due to my back or MS. I was taking so many painkillers that I would get unasked for visits from GP, just to check I was ok. I even had 2 visits to a hospice, I thought at least they wouldn’t freak at amount of shit I was taking. Then I saw a neurologist who said pain is your MS, you need to change your medication, opiates will not help MS pain. Thankfully this was just before a planned holiday in Spain. I had always been able to reduce my painkillers in a warmer dryer climate. That was 2010. Pain was slightly different on other medication, it moved around more, so at least gave me some variety 😂😂. They say that’s the spice of life.

At 1 point I did consider commiting suicide, I’d stock piled some strong painkillers and planned it all. Only my brain was saying if you man loves you half as much as you do him, doing this would be so cruel to him, then practical part, would he be able to afford to keep our home without my income. So it didn’t happen.

Then in 2014, when on holiday in Spain again, our usual conversation of “this is climate we need to be in” came up. There’s only 1 way that will happen I say. Our best friend Tom, whom I met when I first went to Somerset, had more money than us, we didn’t know how much, but to us living solely on benefits, having money in bank made you a rich person. So I said only if we bring Tom.

Tom was 94 at this time but said age was only a number. The 3 of us spent a lot of our time together, Tom was always trying to pay for things for us, but we had never allowed that. So we get home and ask Tom, ” if we go to Spain to live, will you come with us?” His answer immediately was yes. We made sure that he knew he would be the financial part of life, but he said the love he was getting from us was priceless. So started searching internet for properties in Spain, organising a passport for Tom, then in October 2014 did house hunting trip.

Even if he had given us loads of money we wouldn’t have come without him, couldn’t leave him on his own. I knew what it was like to be lonely and unloved.

I also went for my final visit in UK to neurologist. I asked if there was anything that could be done about my pain, it was so bad now I could hardly walk, or get out of chair or bed. Even spoke to OT about hoist. After a couple of seconds of silence neurologist said NO. Thanks, says me. Why thanks I was asked. Well now there is no carrot of wonder medicine anymore, so we will go and learn to manage my pain.

We actually moved to Spain on my birthday, 28 January 2015, 6 years ago.

What a difference now after those 6 years. I’m alive again. I’m walking again, still only short periods but walking. I’m driving again, in UK I’d stopped because was afraid my reactions were to slow. I no longer spend my day either sat in chair or lying in bed. I actually now am helping a lady with dementia to get some stimulation.

Here we both feel we have a charmed life. Tom’s money paid for house and all alterations. He unfortunately died after a call broke his hip. So now we get the income from his money to live off until we die. So my man plays in our garden, a 1 acre plot. I get to play at crafts and have fun. My pain is still with me but I have coping strategies. Only during pandemic haven’t been able to do/use some of them. Eg going out to eat, going to beach and just being with people and having a laugh. I need to be able to do these things.

But here I am 65 today and so grateful for everything, even MS, I’d never have met hubby without it.Never think there is no light at end of tunnel. No one knows what will happen next, enjoy this moment, the future is what it will be you can’t really change it.

Also great wealth is not a way of happiness, I can’t even if I had great financial wealth buy my health back.

Make the most of what you have, be honest and truthful, and treat others like you would want to be treated.

I’ve grown into my roll as a natural giver, with my wonderful man at my side also giving. We help people because we can and it how we live. We have needed and had so much help from others in the past.

Karma does exist and what goes around comes around.So forget amassing loads of money, concentrate on helping people and world around you.

Be kind.

Be honest.

Be loving.