Gratitude

Hubby and I were talking today about gratitude. We are both very grateful for what we have. We have each other, enough food to eat (probably to much in my case, blood sugar ⬆️) and a roof over our heads.

I was always lucky to be able to get jobs easily, I started as a barmaid at 12, my parents owned the pub 😂, and I was a big girl, as in fat, so was never questioned about my age. At 14 I became a waitress at a local hotel so I was getting paid for my labours 😆. I had various other jobs until I started my nursing training at 18. Worst was a spell in an electronics factory, so boring, my supervisor was worried because I very quickly could do every job in the department. Best was Woolworths sweety counter, I could eat as many as I wanted, pure heaven. Is it any wonder I’m now diabetic, not really 😂😂.

Hubby was not so fortunate. He struggled to get jobs, he is shy and can’t sell himself. His parents struggled to afford to bring up their 3 children, even though his dad worked as many hours as he could and his mother got part time work as soon as kids were old enough. He lived with his parents until he was 24 because he could afford to move out.

He trained as a welder, but always hated the routine, especially having to be there at set time in mornings. He’s never been good at getting out of bed. He had to be broken of afternoon nap habit to go to school.

By the time we met he had gone through a time when he had to go to his parents at weekends so he could eat. Because he was single with no kids he didn’t ever qualify for any sort of help.

Unlike well off me who used to ask daddy for a new car when 1 was needed. I felt it was least he could do as he never showed me any love. Hubby had to buy his own transportation, starting with an old moped. He had learnt a lot about mechanics from his father, enough to build his own rally car, which was his everyday transport.

So when we did meet, he came to visit me in Cardiff from Somerset. I didn’t find out for months that he had had to give up smoking to be able to afford the fuel to come visit. He also worried about paying his phone bill as we were on the phone most nights for at least 2 hrs. I sorted phone bill for him.

I moved to Somerset, he was working I was pensioned off due to Multiple sclerosis, so it made sense. Also it meant my uncle who had been caring for me could stay in my flat, so have somewhere to live. Hubby was looking to buy a house as all he could see with renting was rent increases every year, with nothing at the end of it. He had seen a place he could just about afford, he needed to borrow deposit from his parents though.

Then I come on the scene. A cottage with steep steps would not be any use to a wheelchair user. Also there was a question about strength of bedroom floor, I owned a waterbed which held 100 gallons of water, that’s a lot of weight.

So we went to estate agent to see what else there was in his price range. A repossessed ground floor flat. It was spacious and light and looked out over fields.

So he said yes, we had only known each other about 2 months at this time ❤️.
The flat had nothing in it not even a light bulb. I had brought some things from Cardiff and hubby brought his stuff from rented cottage. We had a bed and a sofa and a cooker, enough to start. My uncle was very generous and paid for carpet in lounge and bedroom. He and I had always been close and he was still grateful to me for going to care for him day after he had had a stroke.

When we had to replace a car, we looked for something no more than £200, this was 1993, with as long an MOT as possible.
Slowly, very slowly we started to get things together. Never being to proud to accept hand me downs from people.
I was the major bread winner of the house, even though I was on benefits and hubby was welding aircraft parts!!

We had to work out our priorities, first food often very basic, keeping roof over head and my health needs, which I did feel so guilty about.

We had been given some advice by a family member who’s wife had died in her 30’s of MS. Do what you want to whilst Jan still can, you have rest of your life to pay it back.
So we bought a timeshare so we could holiday every year, the warmth and lack of humidity helped me so much. Plus our package holiday honeymoon was a disaster, we were lied to, so got flown home after a week as MS flared.

We had always said if we had 10 years of happiness that would be great. Well around the 10 years we were struggling to pay the credit card bill. Paying minimum which was all we could afford and bill just getting higher. So we decided to ask the bank for a loan, both of us got a loan, I’m on benefits remember. We paid off credit card and with the bit of money over every month, loan was 7% interest, card had been 23%, we started to put some away for a rainy day. We also put some in our pocket so we had feel good factor.

Then I befriended a lady who lived near, I’d met her at the hospice when I was a patient. I used to go and keep her company, help with her carers and she also asked me to be there when she spoke to lawyer about her will. Unfortunately she had cancer of the blood, so died soon after seeing the lawyer. I was stunned when lawyer phoned me to tell me we were benefactors of her will. I never expected that, I was just helping someone who needed it. So the rainy day fund improved some.

Also when we first moved into the flat, as I only knew hubby and his family I wanted to meet more people. So off I go to nearest pub, for me pub was social life. There I met a couple Tom and Edna, I wrongly assumed they were married, they lived in same house. She happily spent his money and gave very little in return, but he never complained, he had company. He and I hit it off straight away, we were both gigglers and could be like a couple of toddlers at times. We became great friends with Tom and when Edna had to go into a home he asked if I would keep him company at lunch sometimes. We also often would take him out with us if we were going somewhere, rather than him sit and be lonely. After Edna died we became almost a threesome, if you saw 1 you saw 3. Tom had a problem with us though, we expected to pay our way, if we went out the bill was split 3 ways, he complained it wasn’t fair as I didn’t drink, but soft drinks are as expensive as alcohol. He also would try and buy things for us, but we wouldn’t let him, that’s not how we saw the relationship. One night in our local he was rather drunk (my fault as always 😂) and after we had paid the bill he was still trying to give me money. I kept refusing and giving it back, the landlady commented that he was lucky to have friends like us. We believe you treat friends as you want to be treated, actually you treat people as you would like to be treated.

So in 2014 on our return from holiday in Spain we asked Tom, a mere 94, if we moved to Spain would you come with us. Not even a nano second passed before his answer of yes. Being us who are so honest we say you do know you will be the finance. Of course he says but I get the love of you 2 which is priceless. He said he had never known love like he had from us, he could be him, not what he thought was expected.

We all moved to Spain in January 2015, but unfortunately Tom had a fall in the April and broke his hip, his body could cope with the shock and he passed on June 5th. So sad because he would have loved our lifestyle now, but at least he died with the 2 people who loved him.

So now we are grateful for all Tom has done for us, the house belongs to his trust until we die and we get income from his capital till we die.

Our 3rd house in Spain we met George, our new neighbour. We moved in on Wednesday on Monday morning George called for help. He had been having angina all night and it was not easing. I went round, called ambulance and followed him to medical centre. His ECG was not good, so straight to hospital. His girlfriend was a carer in UK and couldn’t visit straight away, but when she did, we picked her up and ferried her around for the fortnight. George went to theatre on the Thursday for heart bypass, she was flying home on Saturday morning. Thursday evening call comes that surgeon want to speak with her, I immediately go find her. George had died on the table.
We got Chrissy to stay with us till Saturday, then took her to airport. We also arranged with her to meet up in UK with George’s ashes, as he hadn’t yet been cremated. This was April, she came back in June to empty his house. Again we helped all we could and had her stay with us rather in his house without him. 1 morning I said I had something important to ask, so have I she says. It turns out we both were asking what the other wanted, us for all the stuff she had given us, her for all the help we had given her. It was quits. Mind you hubby’s sister was shocked at us taking his ashes over to UK with us. Strangely things like this don’t happen to her.

We never compare with others. We do often wonder why people seem to think “things” or “money” will make them happy.

They don’t.

Happiness comes from within. Be happy with what you have and make use of what you have.

We are now lucky enough to have enough money (thanks to all that have helped us) to enjoy life without money worries. That said we are still careful, hubby has been thinking about buying a tablet, but it’s only been 3 months, so maybe by Christmas he will have decided if he can justify that expense.

We compare how others behave.
Why they don’t give love freely like we do.
Why they are so selfish and self centered.
Maybe that’s why so many people are so unhappy?